The hardest way to communicate 🤭

I heard that the Netherlands was one of the happiest countries on earth. I also heard that the Dutch were frank and direct in their speech, which piqued my interest and led me to the thought- 

 

Is there a connection between happiness and the way people communicate with each other? 

 

To test this theory, I looked at the communication styles of people in other “happy” countries (Switzerland, Finland, Iceland, Denmark, etc.)

 

This is what I found:

 

“Plain speaking is admired (by Danes) and being frank is viewed as a sign of respect to the person you are dealing with. This directness can sometimes be mistaken as rudeness when encountered by cultures which place diplomacy and tact at the forefront…” [1]

 

“On the whole, the Swiss believe in plain speaking and place directness before diplomacy. It is expected and respected that people will speak their minds, without feeling the need to couch any uncomfortable messages in a softer way in order to spare the feelings of the audience.” [2]

 

“Icelanders are known to favor a direct and straight-forward communication style.” [3]

 

“Directness – Finns have a very upfront and direct style of communication. While other cultures may try to sound optimistic when delivering bad news, Finns would rather prefer their business partners to be straightforward.” [4]

 

“Swedes tend to communicate in a direct manner, speaking quite frankly in a straightforward manner.” [5]

 

There’s certainly something there, embedded in the culture. In some small part, direct, honest communication coincides with happiness.

 

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Here’s what a culture of direct communication looks like:

 

• Explicit, oftentimes blunt verbal language.
• Efficient communication over style and eloquence.
• Less emphasis on non-verbal language and the interpretation of it.
• Honesty over harmony.

 

The last point is important because you can’t have both. Honesty breaks harmony, if only because human beings are full of imperfections. Pointing them out (by being honest) is the only way we can change for the better.

 

The value we place on harmony is also the reason it’s so hard for certain cultures and individuals to adopt direct communication. What if I seem disrespectful? What if I offend someone? True happiness involves acknowledging our faults and the faults of others.

 

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In our day-to-day lives, we are the perpetrators and victims of indirect communication. 

 

Here’s what we can do about that:

 

Listen to the small part of our mind that is yelling: This isn’t right. Face the short-term discomfort that comes with being direct. Say what we mean, mean what we say. It will rub off on the people around us. It’s (extremely) hard, but It will be worth it. 

 

Best of all, It’s something that we can control and work on, especially compared to the other commonalities we find in the list of countries above, like high wages and strong social security. 

 

One step at a time,

Mukundan